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BALI GIGOLOS and TWISTED VILLAGE BELIEFS

[ NOTE: SORRY, NO PHOTOS  DUE TO REQUEST OF BEACH BOYS]

It has happened in a few instances in the general Amed area that a European woman has come here, fallen in love with one of the gorgeous local boys, married him, and then either opened a resort here or taken the fresh new hubbie back to Europe with her. These cases have lead to a very bizarre and twisted view on relationships with western women, spawning a generation of super-buffed, tan and gorgeous young beachboy ‘gigolos’ prowling the beach for their future western brides.


These Amed area beachboys actually come from local fishing families. Some of them were former fishermen themselves who have learned a bit of English, or French, and have abandoned their fishing boats in favor of hunting western women on the hopes of improving their lives via sex and/or marriage. I guess I can’t blame them for wanting to escape poverty and a life of heavy physical work on the sea and fields, especially when they’re constantly exposed to much more affluent tourists passing through, staying at the local boutique resorts and spending money on diving, eating, sailing and snorkeling.  Exposure to these tourists really emphasizes their own local poverty.  I guess I have to give them credit for at least dreaming to improve their lot in the world.


Of course, it would seem more normal, more worthy to attempt that by finding a new job, learning a new skill, shifting into a new profession rather than by ‘gold digging’, ‘hopping on the backs’ of women tourists to rise up in the world.  In Amed there are, after all, several boutique resorts, restaurants, dive shops and other businesses here employing local staff. So, there are, in fact, many locals who hold steady jobs at these places. Certainly not all Amed residents are scrambling to find a western bride!


 But there also exists a fairly large group of young men whose sole tactic for moving up in the world is to capture a western woman and ‘piggy back’  her to a better life. Only guys able to master English- or perhaps French- to a reasonable conversational level have a chance at this tactic. Probably this is the main reason most of the local fishermen stick to fishing and farming. They just don’t speak any English. But those who do set about on a daily basis trying to meet tourists to rent them snorkels; arrange sailing or hiking trips or transport to other parts of Bali; direct them to various dive shops to gain some commission and so on. Their secret hope, and alterior motive, though, is to find their western bride who will rocket them to wealth and glamour.

 These guys do put some effort into luring women: They’ve made weight-lifting equipment: bench presses and dumbells of cement, which they pump religiously so that their bodies are buffed, ripped, solid masses of muscle, the likes of which you generally see in body building magazines! They also jog regularly on the beach at sunset, keeping themselves super lean machines. It’s pretty bizarre to arrive at little tiny beach fishing village, over on the outer edge of the world in remote NE Bali to find, who ? Lean, tan, hugely muscled local boys!! WHAT?! I have to admit they do look amazing, especially with their gorgeous faces and winning smiles. WOW!


 Too bad that’s the extent of their charms and talents. They look good, but that’s about it! They aren’t educated, never read, never learn or study. Forget about intelligent conversations. Forget, also, about fantastic love-making: They really don’t even have the concept of ‘pleasing a woman in bed’! Jump to intercourse as quickly as possible and sustain yourself as long as possible is their understanding of sex. Great for men, perhaps, but certainly not what a woman wants in bed!!


 It’s a little hard to believe, but these beachboys really believe that if they ‘service’ a woman in bed (badly, unbeknown to them) that the woman owes him… should buy him things! Beer for starters, meals, cigarettes. But what they really want a woman to do is buy them a motorcycle, land and a house. I’m not joking here. Here are 3 real life conversations I’ve had with local guys:


 1. One evening I was sitting around chatting with a few local guys. As usual, the subjects of sex and female tourists came up. One gorgeous young guy, 23, told me, “I want to marry a woman who will buy me a motorcycle, land and a house.” When I pried him for his future bride’s qualifications, he told me, “I don’t care about her age. She can be from 20 to 60.” He also didn’t care what she looked like. Other things like character, interests, profession, hobbies, etc never even came up. The sole qualification was that the woman buy him land, house and motorbike.  A bit later he laughed and said he was joking, but I’ve known him long enough to know he’s quite serious and has been getting involved with western women for years.
 2. Last year I spent one night with one of the beachboys. once. one night- well, not even a night, about 2 hours… Ever since then, and that was a year ago, he and his friends occassionally try demanding that I buy him beer. cigarettes. meals.  And I don’t mean asking politely, but telling me to buy him stuff ?!*^%*&$!? Excuse me? They seriously believe I owe him for his two hours in bed. (which, to be honest, consisted of him laying back on the bed and waiting for me to do everything.  gee, fun, thanks)  

 3. This year, the guy I got involved with also started our romance off almost immediately- on the second night- by begging me to buy him a motorbike! He actually said, just after sex, “Oh, Lash, whew, ahh, I’m soo tired.  Wow- 2 hours of sex. You buy me motorbike!” Honestly, that bluntly. Well!  At least I knew, quite clearly, what he was after. I certainly wasn’t going for any of that. I looked at him as if he were crazy, and asked him if he was a prostitute. That opened his eyes! A rather long ‘discussion’ ensued (attempted persuasion in fact) in which he tried his best to convince me to buy him a bike- for his 2 hours of ‘servicing’  (pretty goddam expensive screw!) to which I continued telling him he was crazy, was acting like a prostitute, and that I never paid for sex. I also pointed out that he was the lucky one, getting to sleep with a beautiful white western woman.  He eventually shut up. And, for me, that was the end of that romance.  Short and sweet: 3 days. What had I been thinking, there in Amed?!
___________________________________________________

Back to general life in Amed:
 When there aren’t any tourists around and, thus, no hope of making some money for the day, how do these guys spend their abundant free time? Improving their English? no. Learning a new skill, vocation, educating themselves? no. They sit around engaging in 1 of 3 favored activities: chatting. sleeping. drinking. Many an afternoon you can find them plastered drunk somewhere in the village… oh, and of course, body- building and jogging on the beach at sunset.
 I haven’t pointed out yet, but about half these ‘gigolos’ are married to local girls and have children.  Of course they never divulge that information to the occassional single girls who arrive in Amed.  And, in fact, they often remind me not to tell the new girls that they are married, usually along the lines of, “Lash, if you tell her I’m married I’ll kill you.” Nice.
 And here we come to yet another bizarre mentality. Not surprisingly, some of these guys’ wives get very very upset if their husband is out chasing western girls. However, not all of them.  Actually, according to the Balinese Hinduism here, men are allowed to have 2 wives.  If they can afford her. In fact, I know of one wealthy local man who does, in fact, have 2 Balinese wives. They all live together. The first wife, her 2 kids, the second whiter younger wife, and her son. In fact, despite the first wife being sporadically beside herself about the husband’s second marriage, she generally takes care of the second wife’s son as if he were her own!
 Ok, so there’s a cultural background allowing men having 2 wives. How the wives feel about this seems to vary greatly from wife to wife. I know one guy who’s wife would go stark wild crazy should he ever sleep with another woman. He behaves himself- after making the mistake once and finding it not worthwhile. On the other hand, I know wives who are perfectly happy to share their husband with another woman. And this I’ve been told by the wives themselves. Case in point:
 Last year I went out dancing regularly to the live music nights in the Amed area. One local guy is an exceptionally good, and sexy, dancer. Since I’ve been a dance maniac my entire life I was naturally impressed with his dancing. Before long we started having great dancing sessions together at every live night. Good fun. Now I knew this guy was married. In fact, at 35 he was already a grandfather.  His daughter, 16, being married to my colleague at the dive shop.
 So I had no intention of getting sexually involved with this guy. Pretty soon, on live music nights he was picking me up by motorbike and taking me out. We’d dance up a storm, he’d take me home, drop me off and go home… It wasn’t too much later that I finally met his wife in the village. She greeted me warmly, “Hi Lash! How are you?” When I realized she was the wife I told her that her husband was a great dancer and that he’d been taking me out dancing. I hoped that was ok, She not only told me it was ok, she encouraged me to go out with him more! Oh, ok. So I did…

 Within a couple weeks, she was telling me, with big smiles, that it was fine for her husband to have a girlfriend.  And that he liked me.  She told me, “50% for me. 50% for you” !?!  Now I’ve always thought I was very open-minded about relationships and sex, but this was pretty much a head fuck! Whew…. Before long, both of them were suggesting I marry him and move in to their family compound! Eh???  Needless to say, I did not take them up on the offer.
I’ve since been told that generally it seems to be ok with wives if their husband gets involved with a western woman.  Most likely they expect the new girlfriend/ wife is wealthy and will spend lots of money, not only on her lover, but on his family and relatives as well.


 As I mentioned above, what these guys are hoping for is one of two outcomes. A western woman who will marry him, move here and buy land, house, motorbike and/or business. Or a wife who will whisk him off to her own country, a new life of luxury in the western world.


I personally know of 2 women who’ve married local guys and taken them back to Europe where they live and work. And I know one western woman who’s married a local and built a very nice boutique resort here in Amed. These are the real life cases that keep up the hopes of the beachboys, but which have left them believing that THAT is the natural normal course of things, and has made them quite demanding, actually expecting instant riches from the western women they get involved with. It has created a very strange and twisted mentality among the people of  Amed, Bali.


 So girls coming to Amed, Bali,  beware the wolves… or enjoy finding your beachboy dream husband, as you see fit.  

18 comments

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  1. itsme

    i know a guy from candi dasa who has kept himself and his parents alive with being a prostitute (gigolo) for the last 15 years. he has hiv and so does his balinese wife and their 2 year old daughter.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi there,

      Welcome. I’m not surprised to hear about a Balinese gigolo earning a living for himself and his family.

      But very sad to hear about the HIV, especially for his wife and kid. I presume he is also spreading it to all the western women he sleeps with. Eek! Asian men, in general, are sooo resistant to using condoms. A woman would have to absolutely insist before he’d reluctantly put one on.

      Sad tale.

      Thanks for stopping by, though.

      cheers, Lash

  2. suz

    just back from Amed. yes, there are many beach boys working the female tourists for rupiah & the bed. they HIV rate in bali is quite high. beware girls!

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hey Suz,

      Welcome!

      Thanks for your input & warning.

      cheers, Lash

  3. Moonshine

    Just returned from Amed. Yes, it is a beach-boy town. I fell in love with one of them, but now i know he is married and has children. He did not tell me. He also has a girlfriend. He did not tell me this. I really fall in love with him. I wish I did not go there.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi Moonshine,

      Sorry to hear that you fell into their trap, too. They do look gorgeous!

      All I can do is keep trying to warn women who visit Bali.

      My advice: get over him as quickly as you can and don’t date any more Indonesian men! Very, very few who are not like that.

      Good luck!

      cheers, Lash

    2. Verba

      Hi Moonshine, sorry to hear your story of cos ,but maybe i can know the name of that guy cos i think i can be in the same situation((. thank u

  4. liz

    Thanks for your article. It was illuminating and helpful to read. My partner and I have just returned from Bali, 2 weeks in a small village south of amed. I had a brief sexual affair with a young village man. (My partner and I have a open and sexually permissive relationship). It was difficult to communicate, he had little English, I no Balinese. But things were as you said, he wasn’t particularly demonstrative in bed, and afterwards told me how much he needed money for rice etc. Which was emotionally quite awful, as I know how poor the people are in comparison to myself, but he did money for smokes and have very nice clothes and really expensive looking underwear (I wonder where he does his shopping). He was totally sexy and gorgeous and I did give him money…but it felt all a bit yukky.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi LIz,

      Welcome!

      THanks for stopping by and for sharing your Bali boy story. :))

      Yes, they are gorgeous. That’s about it, really.

      If he was wearing nice clothes and underwear, my guess is that he has other western girls (perhaps several) giving him money. Sorry to hear you gave him some too. It’s nothing more than prostitution on their parts. They can be very, very convincing at lying and making up ‘poor me’ stories. Since we are not used to that behaviour from men, it’s hard to know what to do in the moment. Yeah, yukkky feeling.

      HOpe you won’t fall for that one again! Enjoy the rest of Bali.

      cheers, Lash

  5. suz

    the rule in Bali is: if the man is over 20 he IS married and he HAS children.
    i can not imagine how the wife feels when the gigolo goes off to a foreign country with a western woman. they even forget their children. that is sad.
    but i am sure their parents do not scold them because they must send money back to the parents (the woman’s money). these guys are selfish.
    they say money is for the family but they buy new clothes for themselves. or beer.
    i know one beach boy who is married with kids and he is engaged to a western girl.
    i am sure that she does not know the truth.
    how could she? the gigolos lie for each other.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi Suz,

      Welcome!

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your observations. All true from what I’ve seen and heard with my own eyes/ears while living/working in Bali.

      As for the men’s Balinese wives, what I’ve seen & heard firsthand from talking to various wives, it seems to vary from woman to woman. some of them are furious. I even know one Balinese woman who left her husband for marrying a second Balinese. But I know at least 2 Balinese wives who told me they were ok with their husbands having a western GF/wife because it brings money into the family. Also, it’s tradition that men can have more than one wife, if he can afford it.

      I can only hope for western women visiting Bali that they stay long enough to find out what’s going on before they get seriously involved with any Balinese man.

      Thanks for chipping in!

      cheers, Lash

  6. moonshine

    Verba, sorry about your story. The ‘beach boys’ are married.
    For them to be with a western women is a job. It is not love.
    Watch the documentary movie about the Bali beach boys named ‘Kuta Cowboys’.
    You will know better after watching. They are prostitutes.
    They go with the woman who buys them the most things.
    They rotate women, so they always have a tourist to buy them beer & food.
    Their dream is a motorbike. And they hope for a house.
    This is not ALL Balinese men, just the beach boys are this way.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hey Moonshine,

      Thanks for adding your insights!

      cheers, Lash

  7. Lou

    Just came back from Amed,Bali- wish I would have read this article before going.
    I kind of knew something was up. This particular boy brought me to his home and
    I met his parents. He was very kind hearted and did not ask for money at all.
    But, of course my family and I bought him dinner, more than once to thank him for helping us and touring is around. I really wanted to believe that this wasn’t the case.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi Lou,

      Well at least it sounds like you didn’t get too terribly involved with the guy. And sounds like you kept your head on straight. Good going!

      This is exactly why I’ve written this article. Anyone heading to Bali or SE Asia for the first time wouldn’t have a clue what was going on.

      So if you go to any other places in the world that are exceedingly popular for tourists, you very well might be dealing with the same sorts of guys. If you’re interested in local men, better to meet those working in normal jobs outside the tourist industry.

      Happy travels!

      cheers, Lash

  8. AK

    Hi Lash,
    It’s an informative read. I stumbled on this article while researching more on this Bali boys. I am married and we are in an open permissive marriage. However, as a general rule, we don’t share details with each other. But what put me into some confusion was that since last year, my wife has been frequently going solo to Bali. Since we stay in this region, I always thought its that short flight weekend breaks away from the usual city hum drum. Until I discovered purely by chance that she was in a sexual relationship with one of the boys and was feeding him with her money. the money part was disturbing. When I drilled her further, details were shocking. As you had rightly mentioned, his wife was absolutely fine with the arrangement and he would often take my wife to his place for stay. There were other shocking details as well. Thankfully, it’s over and we have moved on. But yeah Bali can b nightmare.

    1. Lash WorldTour

      Hi AK,

      Welcome!

      Wow, thanks so much for taking time to write and share your own experiences with the Bali gigolos, and from a rather different perspective. Yes, it can be very shocking, really unbelievable sometimes! Westerners, for the most part, just don’t behave that way and it’s quite hard to believe what goes on with some of them.

      I hope, as you mentioned, that it’s all over and you can all move on.

      thanks again for adding your own story.

      cheers, Lash

  9. Ezekiel

    Adding they consider western guys as opponents, enemies actually. That they don’t hesitate to threatened us if we interact with girls in they “private hunting”. It’s more than you girls owe them for servicing , they feel like they own you since you jumped on their scooter…

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